just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
