I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
