I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
