guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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