***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
