Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
