No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bring me that man meat
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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