He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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