I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
