I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this boner is exhausting
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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