seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
