the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
