I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
