How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
