his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
