Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
