he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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