He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We got so high we made milksteak
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
