My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize