he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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