All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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