that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
