I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize