I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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