can u get pink eye on your cock?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
