ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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