Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
