You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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