i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
