He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
