i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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