Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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