gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
