I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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