If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
