we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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