I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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