ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
