I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
