As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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