Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
