If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A+ Viking dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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