isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
