Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
