About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize