I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize