if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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