I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
