its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's never too late to be topless.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
