our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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