she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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