I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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