I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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