As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
