I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
