a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
