You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
