Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
