White coat. Heels.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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