i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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