I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize