my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize