I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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