Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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