it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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