He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
