I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
