I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's blow job season.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
