Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
