ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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