your thong is hanging out like whoa
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
