He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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