that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
