2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
ttyl tear gas
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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