arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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