So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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