My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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