is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
