just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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