I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
