i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
