Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
