she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
