I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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