I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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