I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
