Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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