Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
