She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
