Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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