did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize