I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
where does the pee come out of this thing
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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