i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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