Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
