I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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