Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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