sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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