I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
