I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
