if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
