we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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