Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
